Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
