I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
