plz talk dirty to me
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
