I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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