I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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