She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
then he tried to convert me to islam
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
