How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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