A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
