Three words: puerto rican gang bang
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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