There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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