I hate your face
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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