Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
