so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
