I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
