Your tits are I can't wait for
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
