So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
