I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Also, beer. Big fan.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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