Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
