I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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