textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
