it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I deserve this hangover.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
