every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
