If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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