i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
