When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
