I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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