i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
