I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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