WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
