Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
