NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
sex in a hospital.. check
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
