Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
