How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
