i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
