So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
