i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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