I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
