My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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