I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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