We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
