..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
