and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
