What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
