eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
