Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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