she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
