I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
