Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
