Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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