just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
