im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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